Wai Har Ng | 89 — 80 Over 80

Wai Har Ng passed away in 2022, and we publish this in her loving memory. We are so honored to include her interview in our project.

Wai Har Ng and her husband moved to San Francisco from Hong Kong in 1976 to escape the heat in Hong Kong. She described keeping active and engaged with programs at senior centers, particularly painting, dancing and computer classes. Her family describe her as “perky” and “sharp”. Some of her artwork is below.

The interview is in Cantonese, and a translation is below.

Interview date: 8/1/2021

Interviewed by: Cherry Sze

Referred by: Wanda Liu

Edited by True Medusa Films. Music by Soundology.

Translation of Interview

by Linguaficient

Interviewer: Hi Wai Har, thank you so much for doing this interview with me today. And giving me the opportunity to learn from you. Also, a big thank you for letting me video tape this interview. Can you kindly tell me your age?

Wai Har Ng: Can’t you tell by looking?

Interviewer: Ummm… are you in your sixties?

Wai Har Ng: Really? You are just trying to flatter me.

Interviewer: I will guess again then…. Seventies?

Wai Har Ng: I am 89.

Interviewer: Can’t tell from the way you look. You have taken very good care of yourself; your skin looks so nice.

Wai Har Ng: [Giggle] I am old.

Interviewer: Do you often call yourself ‘old’ in that way?

Wai Har Ng: Yes I am old. I have aged a lot these past few years.

Interviewer: Besides old, how would you describe yourself to others?

Wai Har Ng: [sign] How else can I describe myself besides the word old?

Interviewer: How about your smile? Don’t you think you have a beautiful smile? I do think so.

Wai Har Ng: That’s true; I do like to smile a lot.

Interviewer: Your friends, your daughters and families must consider you delightful to be around.

Wai Har Ng: I guess you can say that.

Interviewer: How would your family and friends describe you?

Wai Har Ng: Hmm… Oh they would say: “Our mom doesn’t speak much.”

Interviewer: Oh, mommy doesn’t talk much. Any other words to describe yourself?

Wai Har Ng: I have aged quite considerably these few years, but my daughter said I am still sharp and perky despite being old.

Interviewer: I agree. You are very lively, animated and I love your beautiful smile. So, you are perky, delightful, and what else?

Wai Har Ng: I think that’s about it.

Interviewer: I have a lot to learn from you. Do you live in San Francisco?

Wai Har Ng: Yes.

Interviewer: How long have you lived here?

Wai Har Ng: Over 40 years.

Interviewer: Wow, over 40 years. How do you feel about SF? Do you like San Francisco?

Wai Har Ng: Of course, I do and my husband does too. The hot weather of Hong Kong was becoming unbearable for him. He asked: “I wonder if I can find a place where it stays cool and brisk all year long.” I said to him: “No way.” Most places have hot and cold seasons, not just cold. Since I hadn’t done any traveling, I didn’t know much about other parts of the world. I doubted there were places without hot and cold weather. Then one year, my husband decided to venture outside the country and explore around the world. “I’m going to find a place I want to live. I’ve got some time on my hands.” So, he got himself a visa and he visited many places, including New York where my parents lived. He didn’t like New York; the heat was worse than Hong Kong. New York was not meant to be. He came to visit his old schoolmate in San Francisco. He was amazed when his friends told him how pleasantly cool and crisp this city was, all through the year. “This is perfect for me! I can’t stand the heat.” His friend said well then you should just move here. “Are you joking? How? I don’t have a house or anywhere to stay.” His friend said “Well, go buy a house and you can stay!” He pondered over the idea and went back to Hong Kong. In 1976, my husband returned to San Francisco and from then on, he remained.

Interviewer: In this case, what attracted you the most to San Francisco is the cool weather! I agree with you that New York is very hot, sometimes it goes up to the 90s in the summer.

Wai Har Ng: Right! You started to sweat the moment after you showered. Made you wonder where all the sweat was coming from.

Interviewer: Exactly. What else do you enjoy about living in San Francisco besides the weather?

Wai Har Ng: It’s a very convenient location, especially traveling back to Hong Kong. It is so much closer than flying from New York. We are talking about ten plus hours when going the other way around. My husband was an “airplane man” for 13 years. Bless his heart!

Interviewer: That must be hard.

Wai Har Ng: It is very hard to make a living if you don’t have a U.S. school degree. On top of that, we were not young. It wouldn’t be easy to start all over again to get a degree. I couldn't go to school while I needed the money to support my kids in college. There was no chance for me to go back to school, don’t you agree? Getting a job is already tough enough, let alone going to school. Who’s going to feed the family if I go to school instead of work? Since my husband couldn’t find a job, he decided to go back to Hong Kong to get work. He was an “astronaut” (a man who remains in Hong Kong for work or business while wife and children live abroad) for 13 years.

Interviewer: It must be difficult taking care of the children on your own. You did an amazing job. How can San Francisco improve to make it a better place to live? Weather is nice in San Francisco. For us who were middle aged people, jobs were out of reach. We wouldn’t get hired for light duty, and we didn’t have the strength to do heavy labor work. What could we do?

Interviewer: Do you mean San Francisco can do a better job by offering more job opportunities for new immigrants and Chinese?

Wai Har Ng: That’s not an easy thing to say. It all depends on your own

skills and capabilities. If you have an education and credentials, you should have plenty of opportunities to make it. We didn’t have those qualifications. We didn’t come at the prime age. Too old, too young. Our kids were college age, we were in the 50s. That was the time we had the biggest financial need. I was not in the right frame of mind to go to school. Really no opportunity to do that. We just had to hang in there.

Even though you know English, you won’t be considered without a degree. You just can’t. You must show a U.S. degree everywhere.

Interviewer: You are right. Thank you for your sharing. It is possible many people were in the same situation as you.

Wai Har Ng: Indeed, we shed many tears during those hard times when we first arrived. I couldn’t tell where east, south, west and north were. Oh crap! I didn’t know my way around and I spoke no English, and my biggest fear was not being able to communicate if something serious happened. And my kids were sent off to schools far away….

Interviewer: It would have been helpful if there were places that taught English, civics, and community orientation. It would have been nice.

Wai Har Ng: It would only work if I were younger. It’s not easy to teach older people no matter how much you want to help.

Interviewer: Oh, please don’t think that way. Let’s talk about now: Most people avoid going out because of the pandemic, do you mostly stay home, or do you still go out once in a while?

Wai Har Ng: I use common sense and a levelheaded approach dealing with this pandemic. I am cautious of course, but it won’t stop me from going out if I need to. I am not so fearful that I have to curl up and hide inside my house. I keep my routine of exercising in the park every day.

Interviewer: Is there any other place you like to go besides going to the park to exercise?

Wai Har Ng: When I retired, I didn’t know where to go for fun, so I was idling at home. Until my pals asked me what I had been doing. I told them I was bored and didn’t know what to do. Maybe I could start a little sewing project. They said what about dancing. I said you must be joking. I knew nothing about dancing. My friends said that there were lessons I could take. The teachers would teach me. First step would be to get out of the house if you were willing. I said then you need to tell me where to go. I followed my friends and joined the dancing classes at the Senior Center. I found out it really was fun.

Interviewer: What kind of dance?

Wai Har Ng: Social, ballroom dance. It was very popular in the 70s and 80s. Many centers offer classes. I was addicted to it after taking classes! I was dancing 5 times a week. I had so much fun.

Interviewer: You are awesome! What about now? I know you like going to the park. Senior centers are closed and only offer virtual classes. Do you participate in any activities?

Wai Har Ng: Before the pandemic, I visited a few senior centers often, depending on which classes I was taking. I went where I found classes that interested me.

Interviewer: What activities or classes do you do?

Wai Har Ng: I took line dancing, painting, and computer classes in turns. I also ate senior meals at the center. There were lots of programs to choose from.

Interviewer: Wonderful. What kind of painting do you do? I can see some paintings hanging in the back, did you paint those?

Wai Har Ng: Sure, I have quite a few. Let me show you.

Interviewer: Fantastic! Can you show me again? I would like to enjoy more of your paintings. And can you tell us about them?

Wai Har Ng: Oh, my teacher taught me. (Interviewer: Wow, those are great!) I did one painting per week.

Interviewer: Are you able to continue taking the painting class virtually?

Wai Har Ng: Yes. There is one class starting tomorrow. Also, on Monday and Tuesday.

Interviewer: Nice. Any difference between virtual class and in person class?

Wai Har Ng: Definitely some differences. Virtual class is like buying cattle over the hill, so far away, the teacher can’t see if my painting is good or if my painting is correct. Who knows? Unlike in person class, the teacher is physically close to me and can easily spot my mistakes right away to correct me. But virtual class, gosh, it’s hard for the teacher to see anything. I prefer face-to-face classes.

Interviewer: I totally agree. What are you looking forward to right now? Something that can only be done in person.

Wai Har Ng: I am really looking forward to the reopening of the centers. Like before, with all the classes in person. The computer class used to be so much easier. Buying cattle over the hill. Sometimes I messed everything up with one wrong click, and I couldn’t go back. So troublesome. I can’t wait till the centers are open again. Back to the in-person classes.

Wai Har Ng: I can also meet people again, and to be able to talk to them. When I am home by myself, I can’t interact or express myself to anyone. My mouth is shut the whole day.

Interviewer: You are a pleasure to talk to. If you could give advice to younger people or yourself when you are younger, what would it be?

Wai Har Ng: When I was young, I wasn’t mindful about how my days went. When you saw food, you ate. When you saw work, you worked. You worked all day and did not feel tired. Well, think about it, your daily life should have rhythms, should have a routine. If you stick to it, you won’t go wrong. For example, you set your bedtime at 10 or 10:30, and you really should stick to it. Stop and put down whatever you may be doing, no matter how fun or engaging it is. Sleep is very important. You will get a healthy body and energy to get through the day with a good night's rest. Your day will be doomed if you keep dozing off.

Wai Har Ng: We need to have a routine. Set a time for lunch, a time for dinner and follow it persistently. It’s not okay to oversleep and push back your schedule. If you do, your day will be screwed and messed up.

Interviewer: Thank you for teaching me. What has been surprising to you about getting older? You want to share with me? I can learn from you.

Wai Har Ng: As I become older…. Compared with before, I am a bit of a bother now. My friends asked me why. I am not happy being slow and forgetful. I wasn’t like this before. But they said I shouldn’t make any comparisons. “You are getting old, count your fingers, and don’t compare with what you are like before.” I do understand, but the change is just happening too fast.

Interviewer: Do you think technology has changed your life on a personal level?

Wai Har Ng: Of course. I learned how to use the computer, so I won’t be out of touch. I can keep up. Today, I even can mingle with young gals like you. I feel very grateful. I can’t believe old people like me can hang out with a young crowd. Not everyone is up to this. One of my friends still won’t learn or buy an iPad. She said she is too old for that and won’t bother. I said to her: “You rascal, an iPad is only a few hundred bucks. You can get one if you just skip one dim sum or one dinner at the restaurant. We should go to class together.” She said you go ahead and learn as much as you want, and don’t count me in.

Interviewer: So, I can see you are open to learning and experiencing new things.

Wai Har Ng: Correct. Too bad my memory is not good.

Interviewer: Same here. What things do you find yourself doing that you said you’d never do?

Wai Har Ng: As a matter of fact, yes. I always slacked off at all my painting classes when I was young. I didn’t know how to paint so I made excuses and would sneak off. Who knew, now that I am old, I am spending most of my days painting! What a change! When my husband was still around, he suggested I’d better start to learn something now and make it my sustenance. He said: “You can’t sit around all day doing nothing when you are old. Will be hard to pass the time.” At that time, I had no idea what to learn and I thought I still had plenty of time to think about it. Some friends were taking a painting class, and one day I happened to go with them. Not long after, I started to enjoy it a great deal and so I continued taking the class till now.

Wai Har Ng: The teacher of the painting class was my friend’s son. My friend always said to me: “Mrs. Ng, if you like to paint, why don’t you take my son’s class? He teaches at the senior center.” I was wondering how I could take this class without any prior knowledge. I wasn’t brave enough to do it, and I was a little worried. I got really bored at home. I decided to head to the center so I could peek at what the class was like. After I had lunch there, I went to take a glance at what was going on in the class. I saw him teaching and I asked him if he would take me as his student. He asked me if I could paint at all. I told him I knew nothing about drawing but would like to learn. He said: “Ok, come if you are interested.” I went to his class and gosh, I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn’t draw anything, and I didn’t know where to begin. Thinking back, that was pretty comical. After taking classes and practicing, it turned out I am actually getting good at this.

Interviewer: You are amazing! What would you say are the major values or principles that you live by? Will you share with us?

Wai Har Ng: I am not sure if I should be saying this…..

Interviewer: It’s okay you can share anything you want.

Wai Har Ng: My husband and I didn’t have the opportunity for much education when we were younger. But my children did have lots of opportunities and I was able to support them. My message to the children: Pa and I didn’t get a chance to wear the mortarboard. My wish was to see all of you wearing the mortarboards one day. That was my standard. And I also hope that all of you will become more successful than Pa. I brought all of you to America, you will be like a bird soaring into the open sky and over the ocean. Go and find jobs and settle there, no matter the place. It will all be up to you. I won’t impose in any way. That's what I told my children. All of them studied hard and graduated. They are great kids. Each of them got their mortarboard.

Interviewer: Do you have one son and one daughter?

Wai Har Ng: I have four children.

Interviewer: Wonderful. You believe that education is important, and education can change your destiny. You did an amazing job raising four kids. Your kids have shown accomplishments.

Wai Har Ng: It was tough. We were fortunate. My kids all have their own happy families. If they are happy, I am happy. Ok. I don’t care where they move to, as long as the place suits them.

Interviewer: Have you done anything lately that made you happy? Besides all your children’s success in getting a good education.

Wai Har Ng: What makes me happy now is that all my grandkids have graduated and found employment. I hope to be blessed with good health. And I hope my paintings continue to be a success. These are my wishes to be happy.

Interviewer: Absolutely. So I wish you good health too. What have you done lately for someone else that made you feel good?

Wai Har Ng: Recently? What makes me happy is to be able to move around freely and go places on my own. Most of my friends have trouble walking. It’s so sad. I called one of my friends the other day since I haven’t seen her for a while. She told me she has to use a walker at home now. It is what it is. That’s not good! It will be such an inconvenience. Friends at my age, I am the only one who can still walk. I am happy I am still hanging in there.

Interviewer: Yes, being healthy is important. You mention you have one grandkid?

Wai Har Ng: I have six grandkids.

Interviewer: Six grandkids? Amazing! In all your 89 years, do you have any defining moments in your life? Can you share with me?

Wai Har Ng: Related to what?

Interviewer: It can be related to anything.

Wai Har Ng: Anything. I had a few close calls. One time while I was crossing the street, a turning car hit my knee. It took close to two years of treatment. Finally, I was able to walk again.

Interviewer: How old were you approximately?

Wai Har Ng: I was picking my grandkids up, I would have been in my 70s.

Interviewer: I am glad you recovered and are okay.

Wai Har Ng: I recovered. But my kneecap was fractured. Fractured from the collision.

Interviewer: Does the injury still affect your daily life?

Wai Har Ng: No.

Interviewer: Good to hear that. Having good health is something to be grateful for.

Wai Har Ng: Right. Right.

Interviewer: Mrs. Ng, thank you so much for spending time talking to me, and giving me this opportunity to learn from you. It has been a pleasure chatting with you. Thank you.

Interviewer and Wai Har Ng: Thank you. Thank you. Bye bye.